After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
