No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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