just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
