alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
