my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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