i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
zippers are such a cool invention
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
