Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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