My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
