you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
