just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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