I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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