The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
