So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
