New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
