I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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