piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, he came in my armpit
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
