What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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