and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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