I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
