Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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