I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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