out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
