Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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