Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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