I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
