Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
