Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
