It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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