shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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