My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
