id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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