Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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