I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
