That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
