Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
