If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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