Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
