I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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