At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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