i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
