Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.