your room smells of hookers.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love