i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
