I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I currently don't understand fingers.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
