ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
