She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
