I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
