I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
