just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need a beard to bite.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
