that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
