Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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