my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
