I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
