Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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