someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
