She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
