he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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