if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The power of my boobs compel you
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
