Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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