Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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