Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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