by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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