I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
