This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize