A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
