Small penises have feelings too.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
