after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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