Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
