i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just high enough for therapy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
