I met the friendliest cop last night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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