guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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