I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
