Kiss
Puke
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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