he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize