how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
