I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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