This house was built for laser tag.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
