mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
