ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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