I'm jealous of your bromance
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
